We love books!

Lily has really started to love books lately, though always on her own terms. She is always saying "read read" and chasing me around with a book. Camille and Lily were reading together in the chair last night.

In the mornings when Camille wakes up she has started to play alone upstairs until she hears us come out to the kitchen. Yesterday Camille told me that she put together a puzzle she found upstairs. She said that it didn't have any instructions so she had to just look at the picture. I assured her that's how we all put together jigsaw puzzles. I went upstairs and sure enough! She later convinced Matt that she did this because she couldn't sleep last night. I think she did this in the morning when she woke up. Camille often tells us that she doesn't sleep at night. She thinks she just stays awake all night. Isn't that funny?!

Kristine and Stephanie out on the town

I took Kristine out to have a drink on her 21st birthday. After driving around Rockwall's premier new hot-spot for restaurants, etc near the lake and discovering that we would have had to park nearly a mile away or wait in a long line for the valet parking, we decided to go more classic. On The Boarder had front row parking and a nice table on the patio. When Kristine ordered her drink the young waiter didn't even ask for identification. I abruptly told him that he is supposed to ask for ID...because it's her 21st birthday. Kristine saw the look on his face, and we think I just about made him wet his pants thinking he'd just been caught by the police! That totally wasn't my intention. Then he relaxed and checked our IDs. It was a tame but fun birthday night.

Aunt Kristine's 21st b-day dinner

For Aunt Kristine's 21st birthday dinner Grandma and Grandpa had the Smiths over plus Great Grandma Peg and Great Grandpa Bill. It was a really nice gathering. In this first picture you can see that Lily enjoyed the slice of cherry cheesecake that she and I shared and was always ready for the next bite. Both my girls have turned very picky about food these days, especially Camille, but surprisingly to me Camille snarfed (that may be an Alston word) down her piece of cheesecake.
In this photo you can see that my brother (or perhaps my sister-in-law) and I were in perfect sync in the color-scheme for Kristine's gifts. Both worked nicely for our tame night out on the town.

Dinner was on Friday and we brought our girls straight from school, where Lily appears to have applied sunscreen to her hair.

Camille and Lily crawled underneath the dining room table before dessert and had a blast, crawling around, acting silly, smashing people's toes, and even banging their heads together. At least we weren't out at a restaurant! I don't even think any tears were shed.

"Rock Rock"

Lily says "rock-rock, rock-rock" when she wants to rock in the rocking chair or on the rocking horse. This is the rocking horse that Camille and Lily's great grandparents refurbished when Camille was a baby. I think Lily loves it even more than Camille did. Lily also loves the purple tent that you can see in the background (and our petite Camille is starting to hit her head on the roof of the play tent). The full length mirror to the right is there for dress-up play in the game room.

New links

I have been wanting to add links from my blog to other blogs since I started this blog, but I never could figure out how (and I guess I didn't work at it very hard). I finally asked Matt, and it really wasn't that difficult. If any of you do not want your blog link listed, let me know and I will remove it.

After an insensensitive comment...

After an insensitive comment about my appearance yesterday by the lady we've dubbed "Ms. Airhead" at Camille and Lily's daycare, I suffered an adolescent tearful breakdown to match my acne breakout. Ms. Airhead is oblivious to her socially innept behaviors and isn't trying to be mean. Such a comment wouldn't have ever phased me coming from her if I weren't already dealing with post surgery emotions. Today I guess you could say I was inspired by yesterday's ordeal and was pleasantly surprised how some Clinique and a hair flat iron improved my appearance closer to my usual "Stephanie look."
Today I had my best day yet. Mom took me to Firewheel mall. We walked around and shopped a little for the girls. We even had soup for lunch at a restaurant. (It's not so easy to go out to eat or snack when you're on a puree diet.)
Here's an odd funny: Today my nose was itching, but unfortunately I couldn't get relief from my light stratching because my nose is numb! Numbness is a weird thing.
Matt and I took numerous photos trying to capture a pretty smile. It's so strange to be numb and difficult to smile. I was asking Matt to tell me what to do, but he couldn't explain. I even used a makeup compact to try to see what my smile was looking like. I'm continuing to get better, and that's a great thing.

Stephanie's checkup

Now, you know this is brave of me to post this dopy looking photo of myself on the internet! I haven't mastered a smile yet because my face is so numb. You wouldn't believe what a difference that makes! It's hard for me to accurately predict what my facial expression looks like.

I went to my surgeon for my weekly checkup today, and he said everything looks like I'm healing great and my teeth are lining up wonderfully. Unfortunately my endurance has not really improved much this week, which has been frustrating/concerning to me, but he gave me confirmation that my recovery looks completely normal. I was concerned about side effects from the 1 prescription medication that I'm still taking for the purpose of keeping me from clenching my teeth in my sleep, and we're going to try reducing the dose to see if it reduces my "hung over" feeling. Now I'm ready for my body to get my hormones back to normal because Dr. Wolford thinks my adolescent acne resurgance is due to the stress and resulting hormone changes after major surgery. The way he said it sounded like it happens to some people but not everyone. Oh lucky me. I thought it was due to the medication, but he didn't think so. Dr. Wolford removed all tape from my nose today, so I guess crooked or not this is the nose that I'm stuck with:) I'm just kidding. You can micro assess anyone and realize that no one is perfectly symmetrical, and I think my nose looks fine. This afternoon I took full advantage of a regular shower putting my face directly in the spray. It was a little uncomfortable with my face having all kinds of strange sensations but well worth it to get 3+ weeks of grunge off my nose and cheeks!!! Now the only outward trace of my surgery are small scars, hidden neatly by old chicken pox scars and my current acne outbreak, and my lisp from the splint still in my mouth. Dr. Wolford says he will take the splint out of my mouth next week! Yea, I'm ready to get rid of that nuisance!! I have some swelling in my cheeks, especially on the right, but the bulk of it is gone and the rest will take a few months to fully go away. I appreciate the little things in life, like being able to blow my nose again (even if I have to do it in a specific delicate and private fashion.) Last week I had rubberbands all over my mouth including right in the front, and I've been reduced to two in the back now. I even go back to the orthodontist next week, in addition to Dr. Wolford.



Here's a Camille's funny for the night. When Matt brought Camille and Lily in from school I had the supper that my mom prepared on the plates at the table ready for them. So, after washing her hands Camille came and sat down next to me at the table. I asked her if she noticed anything different about me. In deep concentration she quickly remarked that the tape is gone from my nose and then she looked into my mouth and said "and you don't have any more ponytails." (i.e. rubberbands). Cute, huh?

Lily seemed fine tonight until bath time when we took off her pants. She looked down at her leg and started pointing to her bandaid (from her shot this morning) and crying. I did the quick bandaid removal, and she pretty much enjoyed her bath. She intermittantly referred to her "boo boo" whining and pointing. After the bath she really started crying. We got some Tylenol, which amazingly takes effect immediately--go figure. I asked her if she wanted a bandaid for her boo boo and she nodded and said "uh-huh." Camille chose the perfect Carebear bandaid but when we laid her down to put on the bandaid, she thought it was shot time all over again and started in screaming her head off. Oops! We got her calmed down and then I offered her the bandaid as a "sticker" peace offering to put on her tummy, but she wanted no part of that evil bandaid! We did put plenty of regular stickers on paper later.

Lily's checkup

Lily went to see Dr. Granger today for her 18 month checkup (she turned 18 months on May 7th which kind of slipped by me with all the other changes around here since my surgery). Lily has recently been growing taller. We just looked in her shoes today and it may already be time to buy a bigger pair of shoes. She got one shot, but didn't cry for long. She was excited to run out of the exam room to go get a Dora sticker at the end.

Today's statistiscs are as follows:
Wt 22 lbs 11oz--25th percentile
Ht 32.5"--75th percentile
Head circum. 25th percentile

These are much like my proportions when I was a child. long and thin.

Outside supper on the porch

On Sunday night after Nana and Papa left Matt ordered pizza for supper. Both my children love to be outside. The kids didn't want to come in from outside to go with Matt to go pick up the pizza. So, I promised Camille that if she and Lily would go pick up the pizza (leaving me time to rest alone) they could eat their supper outside. Camille thought that was a fantastic idea. By the time they returned with the pizza, Matt and I had forgotten about the idea of supper on the patio, but the girls did not. We don't have small outdoor table and chairs for the girls, but they'd rather run around and eat on-the-go anyway. The biggest problem was that Lily ate off both of their plates, aggrivating Camille.

Here's a photo of the girls watching Blues Clues on my lap before bed. Lily was being amazingly calm and cheesed it up for the camera. I look pretty dopey because I didn't take advantage of nap time that day. Although my face looks slimmer, I still have swelling in my lips and cheeks, not to mention numbness. This gives me no ability to smile attractively. I also discovered last night that I can't whistle at all now. I bet playing the clarinet would feel really weird now that my teeth are so different (although maybe not that much weirder than normally because I don't think I've played since Camille was born)!

Camille and her questions

Camille asks lots of questions about my surgery and I just give her bits of factual information little by little as needed, trying to make sure she's not scared into thinking this will happen to her one day. She asked me yesterday if they used scissors to cut the end of my jaw bone. I said I didn't know because I was asleep. She responded with authority, "you should ask them." I assured her that whatever it was I'm sure it was a special hospital tool.

My brother and sister-in-law were in town this weekend for a visit and so that Sara could take 2 final exams for graduate classes she's been taking over the internet. Thursday night at my house for supper we had Doug, Sara, my mom, my dad, Matt, my Grandma Peg, my Grandpa Bill, Camille, and Lily at the dinner table. I was away resting in my recliner doped up on some narcotics and tired from the pre-meal socialization. Mom just told me that once everyone was seated at the table Camille randomly busted out with the question "So how do babies get into their mommy's tummy?" Everyone apparently thought it was hysterically funny, particularly because of the timing. Mom told me that she said "Daddy puts them there" and then immediately changed the subject. I haven't heard any more questions about it. Oh great. It's one of those things I just didn't think would come up this early.

x-ray pics

It's very strange to see yourself in x-ray, but I think it's facinating! I'm amazed that all this hardware is hidden underneath my skin. I'll try to explain if you're interested.

These x-rays were taken at my Saturday doctor's appointment after I was released from the hospital. The first photo is a frontal x-ray and you're seeing my teeth in the middle. The top boarder of the photo is at the middle of my eye sockets. The upside-down T things and the L things above my upper teeth (beside my nose) are holding my upper jaw back together with my skull. What you are seeing are are the flat titanium plates that look kind of like tiny connected metal washers with holes for the screws to hold them in place. On the lower you can see the 2 upsidedown L plates plus some screws at the back of the jaw. Dr. Wolford developd the specific procedures that he uses. In order to avoid a major nerve bundle that runs along and through the bottom jaw bone, they acutally cut down the middle of the bone to avoid the nerves and slide the bones around. We've seen it all explained to us with advanced skeletal models, and I still can't really explain it. If you look you can see darker rectangles along the bottom jaw line. Those are cuts in the jaw where there is now space (that I can feel with my fingers!) which will evenutally fill in with new bone. On the top jaw they used and amazing filler as necessary in places that's made from coral, and my own bone will actually grow into the coral and it will become bone. The top jaw (which is continuous with your skull) is as thin as an egg shell! It is for this reason that I have to be careful not to chew with any force for several months. Matt and I got to see the titanium plates upclose when we were planning the surgery, and it's amazing to see them on x-ray.
This second picture is a side view x-ray. You'll first notice my impressively large brain (ha, ha). You can see less of the hardware. I'm struck by how far up it is toward my nose and eyes. If you look closely you can see my swollen lips and nose splint. The screws you're seeing behind the teeth are actually those on both sides of my jaw, not in my mouth, as it would appear.

Musings for my SLP friends who deal with swallowing: It's interesting to clearly see my epiglottis and pyriform sinuses. Without being able to move the subject around a little bit, I'm not sure I see the vocal cords. Without seeing a previous x-ray, I don't know if I'm seeing some swelling of the posterior pharyngeal wall. I sure felt like I wasn't getting good epiglottic inversion right after surgery, swallowing water and then feeling like there was vallecular retention. I had difficulty initiating a repeat swallow and then would cough as I aspirated the retention that finally spilled out of the valleculae after the swallow and into my airway. Smaller sips helped but a head turn did not. I couldn't really try a chin tuck because I had severe difficulty with anterior to posterior bolus propulsion. By the time I came home I could swallow a thin creamy soup but thicker stuff hung in my throat. Now I'm much better as swelling has reduced. I'm like my own case study! It's been very interesting for me. In the morning before I moved from recovery to my own room Dr. Wolford came by for rounds and said that my job for the day was to try to start eating puree foods. I was still taking tiny sips of water by syringe to avoid coughing/aspirating as much as possible. I was fortunate to have a nice strong cough so I wasn't too worried about aspirating the water. I would have been interesting to see my swallow on videoflouroscopy. I had been diagnosing what was going on with my swallow all night in recovery (since I was thristy and not sleeping) and I told Dr. Wolford in appropriate technical terms what I thought was happening with my swallow and why I was concerned that I was not ready to be swallowing/aspirating puree. I think he was surprised to hear the technical (and perhaps accurate) description of my symptoms and after a mildly stunned pause, he just reassured me that things were going to be okay. I wasn't showing off knowledge, just being upfront with my symptoms and why I might not be able to follow his instructions. I'm a very good patient and always try to do what the doctor tells me! He clearly understood this. Once I got to my room the nurse told me that my job for the day was to learn to drink liquids. Now this I could handle! It all amuses me to look back at it.

Today's photo for comparison

Here is a lovely photo of me taken today to show you how much my face has healed in less than two weeks. How do you like that bruise on my chest? It's actually just brusing that's moved down there as my body gets rid of the mess from my face. Much swelling has gone down, but much still remains in my cheeks, chin, nose and lips. Sensation is starting to come back, but I am predictably numb from my eyes to my jaw line to some degree (variable levels around my face) as bruised facial nerves heal. Dr. Wolford took out the last facial stitches yesterday, and I can barely see marks from any of them. The bulk of the surgery was done from inside my mouth. He took off my nose splint, manipulated my nose to correct slight asymmetry and taped up my face for further healing. So, now I have to be EXTRA careful not to bump my nose or I might end up looking like a hockey player! I still can't put my face in the shower. I will have to keep in the mouth splint for another month or so. I'm earnestly trying to gain my weight back. My mom has prepared lots of ground up food choices, changing the textures as I'm able. Today I even pretended to chew some of the smashed up baked potato with ground steak, broccoli and cheese for supper tonight. It tasted very good, and the visual appeal is better than the baby-food smooth consistency. Maybe soon I'll be able to smile in a picture!

more pictures

These are pictures taken with Matt's cell phone as I was preparing to leave the hospital. I was much more cleaned up, but you can see the significant swelling. The nurses would comment that I had very little swelling, but of course they hadn't seen my face previously. I wouldn't say I'm normally known for my full cheeks!

Post surgery picture

After much consideration I decided to post only this photo post surgery--without any of the obvious gore. I'm sporting an ice pack around my head, an oxygen and moist air tent over my face, and some ultra stylish TED hose with leg squeezers to reduce the risk of blood clots. This was soon after I moved from recovery into my own room. I was feeling overly warm, so I was even showing some leg:) I was holding my soft robe as I rested to give me comfort--like a beloved blankie. The morphine helped me sleep a lot.

Camille and Lily's reaction

Camille has been wonderful and very careful around delicate Mommy. Lily was quite leary of me for several days with my swollen face and strange look but she is getting more used to me. I can't pick either child for a while. Camille said yesterday "I just want to have a regular looking Mommy again." Lily really could care less. She runs around here like a dog with 2 tails, excited about all the people and activity. She has bonded nicely with everyone and is not dependent of me now. It's quite relieving!